Anger: How to control and manage it

Anger is a normal emotion that everyone experiences at some point or another in life. Not all anger is unhealthy anger, though. Sometimes, it can be considered fine if it’s not causing destructive behavior, becoming a common or habitual reaction, or damaging relationships. Though it is not to be promoted at all. Certain situations can trigger different types of anger and leave you experiencing anything from a minor annoyance to sometimes entering a full-blown rage. Anger when it gets out of control and turns destructive, can lead to problems. 

Problems at work, in your relationships, and the overall quality of your life. Anger impacts and impairs relationships immensely if not managed promptly.

Like other emotions, anger is accompanied by physiological and biological changes. When you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

You will find certain people are more prone to anger due to events from their childhood, their past, or even recent experiences. The root causes of anger include fear, pain, or frustration, although it often stems from mental health conditions, too. 

When a person experiences anger, it triggers a complex series of physiological, psychological, and behavioral responses. Anger is a natural human emotion and can vary in intensity and duration from person to person.

When you are angry, below can be experienced :

  1. Physiologically:

·        Increased heart rate and blood pressure: The body releases stress hormones like adrenaline, which can lead to a faster heart rate and elevated blood pressure.

·        Muscle tension: Anger can cause muscles to tighten, leading to physical discomfort or even headaches and body aches.

·        Rapid breathing: Breathing may become faster and shallower as the body prepares for action.

2. At emotional level:

·        Feelings of frustration, annoyance, or irritability: These emotions are often associated with anger.

·        Increased alertness: Anger can make you more vigilant and focused on the source of your anger.

3. At Cognitive level:

·        Reduced ability to think rationally: Anger can cloud judgment and impair your ability to think clearly and make rational decisions.

·        Negative thoughts: You may experience a stream of negative thoughts or engage in "catastrophizing," where you exaggerate the negative aspects of a situation.

4. Behavioural responses:

·        Aggressive behavior: In some cases, anger can lead to aggressive or hostile actions, such as shouting, yelling, or even physical aggression.

·        Verbal outbursts: People may express their anger through harsh words or criticism.

·        Withdrawal: Some individuals may withdraw or give silent treatment when they are angry.

5. Long-term effects:

· Chronic anger can have detrimental effects on physical and mental health. It is associated with an increased risk of various health problems, including cardiovascular issues, digestive problems, and a weakened immune system.

· Unresolved anger can harm relationships and lead to social isolation.

It's important to note that while anger is a normal and natural emotion, how individuals express and manage their anger can vary widely. Learning to manage anger in healthy and constructive ways is essential for personal well-being and maintaining positive relationships. Techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, and communication skills can help individuals cope with anger in healthier ways. Additionally, seeking professional help from therapists or counselors may be beneficial for those who struggle to manage their anger effectively. Feels good Counsellors help you to be able to manage your anger appropriately.

Common Causes of Anger

Anger can be caused by both, external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person like your spouse, or colleague or you may get angry due to any event, life traffic on the road. At times, anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings. 

A few common causes of Anger are:

  • Stress or stressful situations 
  • Frustration
  • Feeling attacked
  • Being disrespected
  • Unfair treatment
  • Maybe an underlying mental health condition

Even though these are all common causes of anger for many people, there can also be underlying feelings that lead to anger. 

Expressing anger

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

On the other hand, we can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us. People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. 

Managing Anger :  

  1. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
  2. Suppressing anger and then converting or redirecting. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn’t allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior. For example, getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on, or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger. 

  1. Calm down, within. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

Anger management

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can’t get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

Some people get angry more easily and often than others generally due to low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can’t take things in stride, and they’re particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust.

The causes for this could be, genetic or physiological. Anger is often regarded as negative; we’re taught that it’s all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don’t learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.

A few strategies to manage anger are : 


Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. 

· Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm

· Doing Yoga relaxes your muscles and makes you feel much calmer

· Exercising, walking, or playing games are best to release anger

Cognitive restructuring

This means, changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak inappropriately and react in, that reflect their inner thoughts. When you are angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. 

Word creates your world. Try replacing these non-supporting thoughts with more rational ones. Example – You may have an internal conversation when things look not going your way. May it be more conducive for self, like, you may say, it’s frustrating and it’s understandable that I’m upset about it, but it’s not the end of the world, and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow.

Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it’ll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, and willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don’t get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren’t met, their disappointment becomes anger.


Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it’s a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn’t always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.

Make a plan and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn’t come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.

Better communication

Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you’re in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.

Finding alternatives: There could be a few obvious reasons which may infuriate you in your daily life. If this is the case, then find the best way to deal with them so that you do not have to experience the scenario, daily, and may provoke anger in you. 

Ignore: You might have heard, that ignorance is bliss, so then practice this. If there are certain things, people and their way of managing things is annoying, then ignore it. Ignore it more when you cannot do anything about the situation or things. Do not give room to yourself for all that which may infuriate you. 

When to go for Counselling?

If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and important parts of your life, you might consider speaking with a Counsellor, Psychologist, or Counsellor to learn how to handle anger, better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and behavior.


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